Marrying a single parent? Things to consider before marriage.Subscribe
Team Orom
Single parent can be fun! As against the judgemental advice scattered around the internet, where they will tell you 300 reasons not to marry a single parent, we say listen to your heart. If they feel suitable for you, then they are.
Irrespective of their gender or why they are a single parent, you need to see if the person is compatible with you. However, when you consider marriage with a single parent, you need to understand a few things about your life before and after marriage.
1. They are not looking for a casual relationship
They are not with the parents of their child anymore, so obviously, there will be pain, baggage, hurt, disappointment and maybe even guilt and resentment. They may have processed it and it may resurface. However, they are responsible not just for themselves but also for their children. They do not want a casual relationship where you fool around and figure out. So, if you're not willing to eventually commit, it’s best not to start a relationship with them.
2. Slow and Steady wins the race
They will take time before they open their heart and home again to someone. Their concerns about protecting their children from random strangers might slow them down. They may not be the party person that you are. Their world will not revolve around you. So, only get into a relationship if you can exercise patience before marriage with a single parent.
3. Their priorities will be different
If you end up being their significant other, you need to understand that their child will come first. They come as a package deal, the parent and their kid/s. If you cannot deal with that, you need to resolve it as part of your 100 questions to ask before marriage. They might cancel date nights because no one was home to babysit the child. They might have to cancel that lunch date you were eagerly waiting for because the school called. Be ready and willing to accept all of this and be part of that life.
4. You need to be ready to be a parent
One of the most important questions to ask before marriage is one that you need to ask yourself. If you marry a single parent, you will automatically become a step-parent to their kids. Are you ready for that responsibility? Will your family and your closest friends be OK with it? Are you willing to forego raunchy sex because the kids are present in the home? Are you OK with planning picnics instead of movies or planning Parent-teacher meetings and doctor visits around weekends? This is part and parcel of being with a partner with kids.
5. It's different, this one
In every single way! Be prepared to share expenses related to education, health and insurance. Be ready to rent or buy a larger home already. You need to be prepared to act as a parent, even if you may not be ready. Be up for the responsibility of another younger human life. Be willing and prepared to sacrifice, not out of compulsion or duty alone, but out of love. You won't only have space in your heart for the person you're dating. You will also need a heart large enough to fit their and, eventually, your kids. Are you ready?
If you're ready and you've asked them all the relevant questions before marriage, you're prepared to jump in if they meet your checklist before marriage.
We're here, happy, cheering for you and your soon-family-to-be!
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